i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
