My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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