how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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