AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
My dick has a subreddit
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
