i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
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