The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
