i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
