so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
