i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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