Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
