You really coming over, don't trick.
Just fell off a train. Bad.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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