I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
