Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
