Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
