I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Why are your pants in the freezer?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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