i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize