Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
