The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I would fuck him just for his dog
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
