if you like me you must not know who I am
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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