remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
