I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
