Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
