I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize