At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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