More tranny stories later!
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
