I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
