either way he was missing a nipple.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
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