Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
