My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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