the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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