ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
