Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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