her vagina looked like bernie madoff
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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