..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize