I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
