A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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