hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
