I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize