On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
