After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
