Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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