come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize