Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
