Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
