some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize