Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
