u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
