Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
