I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
