We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
