I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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