I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
