Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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