And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I love black thongs
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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