who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
