I think I just saw someone hide a body.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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