On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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