are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Say something about gay babies.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize