Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
