sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
