Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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