I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
MIDGETS
????
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
