oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
