I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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