i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize