Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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