DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
